Is human jealousy the thing?

We've had a fun email discussion stemming from this article from today's Saletan Slate column. I've read more than a few opinion articles of late wondering aloud, if gay marriage is to be protected because of lifestyle choice and a respect for what consenting adults want in their lives, why would the reasoning not extend to polygamy (notwithstanding the line of fre exercise cases that turned down the legality of the interpretation of marriage some decades ago). Here's the thrust (quoted from Saletan's article):

My friend Charles Krauthammer makes the argument succinctly in the Washington Post. "Traditional marriage is defined as the union of (1) two people of (2) opposite gender," he observes. "If, as advocates of gay marriage insist, the gender requirement is nothing but prejudice, exclusion and an arbitrary denial of one's autonomous choices," then "on what grounds do they insist upon the traditional, arbitrary and exclusionary number of two?"

Here's the answer. The number isn't two. It's one. You commit to one person, and that person commits wholly to you. Second, the number isn't arbitrary. It's based on human nature. Specifically, on jealousy.

From my reading, the point is this: marriage is a result of human jealousy. Not (though this has been a point of email debate) necessarily physical jealousy, nor even jealousy using the sense of the word that treats the object of jealousy as an object attained and not to be let go of. Rather (and I might be reading into this some combo of my thoughts and Saletan's), we are talking about a broader, even nobler, concept of jealousy.

Jealousy can be good. To make the quick point, imagine your feelings if your favorite other did not feel jealous upon noticing your seeming intimate touch with another person...or your moment letting someone else be your confidant. Don't we want our favorite someone to want to be the one that we go to...just as we want to be their's?

Jealousy, like food, can be unhealthy and dangerous. It is as such when, like food, we let it do something to us apart from nourishment and the fullfilment of a good life.

But doesn't jealousy remind us that some things are precious? Some things, like a newborn baby, we don't want to let go of. For the betterment of us all, sure, we have to balance our weaker nature and let a person be a person. But we don't leave our baby unattended long, we don't lose some grip on what we love.

To return to marriage: Saletan's point rings something true to me. Marriage is more about a one-on-one commitment and journey together than it is about whether the two people are a boy and girl. What is important is that is is THEM, and only them. Why not them = 3, 4, 5, or however many? Jealousy.

The good side of jealousy is an ingrained nature in us that simply cannot abide with our ultimate union being with more than one other person. And dangit, that just makes common sense to me. As soon as another WIFE would be required in my life, the unavoidable implication is that one wife could not be enough. And wife one for darn sure should be jealous.

Maybe jealousy is another word for our intuition that a bond is broken. Or, that we better do something in ourselves to improve that bond. And that...knowing that we are responsible for, indeed are, that duality, is marriage, partnership, couplehood.