which marriage do we mean?

Thanks to Lily for beginning the stack-on of some thoughts in this
jealousy discussion (stemming from Saletan's Slate column discussed
below). Lily's post, below, nails the gut reaction to Mike's
challenging thoughts: if jealousy is jealousy, all bad, and entirely
to be avoided...why do we sort-of socially accept feelings of jealousy
wherein infidelity is involved but treat it as shallow when it
involves the signif other spending time with a friend? (before i go
and repeat her post, read below)

Next, I find it important to clarify that there are (or, should I ask
whether there are) at least three "marriages," or, anyway, contexts of
marriage, and they are by no means mutually exclusive: Religious,
Social, and Legal. While Couple X might live in and regard all three as
definitional to their relationship, it seems to me that a couple might
also define the marriage/coupledom as a single one of these three.
And, beyond that, it seems we need to parse out what we are tallking
about when we talk about marriage (not to mention non-married
coupledom).

For instance, I fully appreciate Mike's position that jealousy CANNOT
define his religious definition of marriage. But is it possible that
jealousy might act as a source to one of the plethora of social
perceptions of marriage? It seems so. Maybe the legal as well.


And back to this word "jealousy."

Perhaps, that, too, can have various meanings depandant on our context. I think I'm intellectually on board with Mike, or at least understand, the attempt to reject and avoid jealousy when the word centers on possessiveness.

But what about the word as used in "I will jealously guard" such and such? The word is used in a more noblesense sometimes, and I think we can differentiate it.

I'll take a stab here: it could have a use that pulls in ideas of vulnerability. We might be jealous because the object (in this discussion, the sig other) that has some interaction with a third party is connected to us. Here, the jealousy is not a function of possessiveness; rather, it stems from something we think of as part of us, and the event that causes the jealousy brings that connectivity into doubt.

That at all clear?